I had wanted to log onto this earlier, but my computer wasn't working. I had wanted to ask a question about trauma clearing so when i couldn't get my computer to work i went and did a trauma clearing instead. Once done, i came back to my computer, figured out what was wrong and fixed it obviously as i am on here now, but what i realized was that i was to do the trauma clearing, a big one, huge, for me. I heard in my head Brent's voice saying just do it, so i did.

Now that i have done it i realized how my holding onto that trauma was not only affecting me, but those around me as well. It seemed like everyone close to me was trapped in this trauma. I didn't realize it until a few moments ago.

I know i still have some issues around having the people and things that i love leave me, but at least now i have a clearer vision of what that entails and i am not so afraid of it now. But what i am most pleased about is that the information i was given during the trauma clearing that i did, what i needed to learn mostly was that my holding onto the trauma of not being loved was actually affecting the people that I loved the most.

Earlier this morning i had asked the creator as to what was holding me back, and he answered. I must admit that i sometimes get frustrated by the way my life is, but i now realized that i was too afraid to actually face it. What i didn't realize was that i was afraid to actually clear the trauma, i guess i was afraid to feel all the would come with it, but what happened instead was the release of the fear and for some odd reason when i think of people not loving me or not being loved, the feeling is very different. I don't feel the panic, i don't feel the anxiety or the sadness that i used to.

What i am most relieved about, is now that i have cleared that trauma, i can let go and not hang on so tight to those i love and let them live there lives. I had noticed that i was hanging on so tight that it made them feel as if they had to take care of me and i couldn't do it alone. That is the biggest thing that i learned.

I never know what i am going to learn, but it is always a surprise.